@Try2StopME: Hey, girl at the gym that keeps moving to the opposite corner every time I get on the machine next to you, yes, I feel the chemistry too.
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@DominicStraw: Barber: What would you like today? Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!
@Bandersnaaatch: Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
@SocialustGal13: My doctor told me to start killing people. Not in those exact words but he said I needed to reduce my stress. Same thing.
@DaddyJew: If you give a man a fish he'll eat for a day but if you teach a kid how to make pop tarts your job as a parent is pretty much done