@bmarked21: Hey girls: FYI, if you tilt the camera up just a wee bit higher you can actually get your face in the picture.
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@murrman5: [phone w/ son while in bank thats being robbed] in case this goes bad, go to google on the iPad and delete "can owls fly" before mom sees it
@calluptome: The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
@Brianhopecomedy: 5 year old: "That's a big truck!" "It's a moving truck." "ALL TRUCKS MOVE." Why am I the one that feels like an idiot?
@gurl_sour: My autocorrect changes c**ts to China. Hey don't blame me. I'm not the racist code programmer.