@mewritesgood: Hey Google, if I'm searching for "herpes symptoms" then no, no I'm not "feeling lucky."
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@Unkle_K: I hate that, you go to someone's wedding and they're asking "who invited you" my friend focus on your union and let me eat in peace
@offbeatoliv: Robert Downey Jr. will always be my hero, not because of Iron Man, but because he broke into someone's home just to take a nap.
@RowdyBowden: We're gathered here today to mourn the loss of Derek. His last words were "Watch me try and keep my eyes open while sneezing!"
@NicCageMatch: No, please, let me give up my subway seat to your 6-year-old child who must be bone-tired from a life consisting mostly of playing & napping