@mewritesgood: Hey Google, if I'm searching for "herpes symptoms" then no, no I'm not "feeling lucky."
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@murrman5: *opens fortune cookie* there's rice on your face *grabs wifes and opens it* still there *grabs one from next table* I can do this all night
@joeljeffrey: [buying treadmill] Me: Can I try it out first? Salesperson: Sure Me: (pulls out laundry basket and hangs wet clothes on it) I like it.
@_Jkriegs: A street preacher told me that gays cause floods, & my first reaction was to call my friend Ben & ask him what other rad shit he could do
@internetluke: [at wine tasting] Hmm yes, very good. a slight smokey undertone. "Sir, you just put your cigarette in your wine" Strong smokey undertone