@comer310: Hey gurl, were you taped to the inside of a birthday card from my grandmother? Cause you're a dime.
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@TheFearBoners: I wouldn't let you touch me with a 10 foot pole! No seriously, why do you have a 10 foot pole?! THAT'S NOT NORMAL!
@juliussharpe: If Apple has taught me anything, it's wait to see the "Steve Jobs" movie until they release a second version.
@GuacamoleJesus: *at plastic surgeon's office* ME: Make me pretty. SURGEON: How about implants? ME: Naw. SURGEON: Filler? Me: No thanks. SURGEON: I can replace your arms with sharks. ME: You have my attention.
@Flattliner: I wish my wife was better in bed. <sighs> <disables autocorrect> I wish my WiFi was better in bed.