@comer310: Hey gurl, were you taped to the inside of a birthday card from my grandmother? Cause you're a dime.
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@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: What did you like most about your last job? ME: *leans in way too close* Leaving it.
@TheBoydP: The book I bought on dog training doesn't seem to be working. I don't think she's even reading it.
@shawnspree: My wife hates the way I introduce her to people in public. "THIS is my wife.." *looks down at the ground *sighs *kicks can
@JKNenagh: I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.