@KKAlThani: Hey guys, I have to lettuce you know that I spend half of my celery on vegetables. You carrot stop eating them but that's just my onion.
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@BonaFideIntent: I just took enough Vicodin to kill a medium-sized Chipmunk. RIP Roy. Roy's the hypothetical Chipmunk. I named him. Has anyone seen my legs??
@InternetHippo: If all millennials suddenly died the next day’s article would be “How millennials are driving up funeral costs”
@Terdoh: Quit bragging yo. Jesus drove a Honda back in Bible days and said nothing of it. "For I speak not of my own accord" John 12:49 a.
@ericsshadow: My wife Googled "how responsible does a 10yr old need to be to stay at home without a babysitter" and now she won't let me stay home alone.