@KimmyMonte: Hey guys is your refrigerator running? Because I don't like any of the current presidential candidates
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@jackiembouvier: [First date] Me: So, I've been married for 12 years - Him: You're married?? Me: Is that a problem?
@sarcasticmommy4: It isn't until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would've been a better option.
@internetluke: [finds money in jacket] nice [finds more money in pants] Today is my day. On a roll Boss: will you please take my jacket & pants off?
@DurtMcHurtt: Goal as a white guy 1)Pay taxes 2)Never say anything that may come across as racist 3)Find something clever to do with my arms when I dance.