@KimmyMonte: Hey guys is your refrigerator running? Because I don't like any of the current presidential candidates
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AndyShulk: If you run through an airport yelling "Marybeth I love you don't go!" then you can cut through so many lines of people who like romance.
@DamonHunzeker: Horses kill more people than sharks, which is weird -- I didn't even know horses could live underwater.
@Slims_Ramblings: "Hey look, there's a deer frolicking in the woods over there!" Deer: What the hell did you say I was doing?
@thatUPSdude: Turns out if your grandmother dies more than 6 times in a year, HR will start to question your request for time off.