@KimmyMonte: Hey guys is your refrigerator running? Because I don't like any of the current presidential candidates
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@robfee: No one is more unnecessarily confident than a white person that just ordered Mexican food in a Spanish accent.
@Merman_Melville: Why does the couple at the beginning of a scary movie always have to be happy & sexy why can't it be like, Pat & Deb, 56 & 54, IBS sufferers
@TheEighthKnight: Me: I have a huge crush on this girl. Him: What’s her name? Me: I’m not telling you. Him: What does it start with at least? Me: @