@Parker_Simpson: Hey guys keep up the "Bush did 9/11" tweets I think the pressure is really grinding his gears
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@RyanSaysWords: The Foo Fighters did a really good job, because I haven't had to deal with any Foo in years.
@MikeCanRant: There are shockingly few security guards at dog shows. You can run out and pet 4 or 5 dogs before they catch you. Last time I pet 8 of them.
@imskytrash: cop: could you please describe the man who tried to kill you me: yeah he was not nice
@LackOfShame: Brain: What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on? Do the math! Me: Seriously?! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow