@Parker_Simpson: Hey guys keep up the "Bush did 9/11" tweets I think the pressure is really grinding his gears
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@Heldinchains: The older you get the less people you can actually tolerate. I can tolerate about 5 people right now, 3 are my children and even that's iffy
@deardilettante: [hits you in the face with newspaper] "Sorry, I thought your eyebrows were caterpillars."
@stockejock: I'm white, but not cage free range eggs in my quinoa-kale quiche for my gluten, lactose, and peanut free Sunday brunch white.
@MariyaAlexander: If diamonds are a girl's best friend how come diamonds never drunkenly make out with me?