@Parker_Simpson: Hey guys keep up the "Bush did 9/11" tweets I think the pressure is really grinding his gears
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@ComedicBust: Before you say you "value my opinion," just know if a genie granted me 3 wishes, one of them would be to star in Sister Act 3.
@noogscorner: Walk up to a girl, sniff her hair, and whisper "Perfect. Master will love you." This is a great way to increase your tolerance to Mace...
@causticbob: Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?
@thesulk: Just picked up an unknown call with a "Hello?" An old woman said "Joan?" So, I can cross "mistaken for a Joan" off the bucket list.