@Travon: "Hey Hillary what color do you think this dre-- never mind" - Bill Clinton scrolling through Twitter last night
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@DirtMcTurd: Life advice: 1.Never be afraid to say what's on your mind 2.Never be afraid to do what's on your mind 3.Don't take life advice on Twitter
@aksorojas: Hell hath no fury like a teenage girl who perfected her right eyebrow but not the left one.
@better_off_dad: *at divorce court Me: She hasn't touched Mr. Peppy in 10 years, your Honor. Judge: I'm sorry - What?? Her: I win, right?