@MaraWritesStuff: Hey kids, remember the feeling you got when you cleaned your room without being asked and no one noticed? That's what adulthood's like.
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@OctopusCaveman: [2 men standing in an empty basement together] Man 1: “Alright, maybe we should tell a few people about Fight Club.”
@TheTalkingPipe: This beautiful woman is winking at me right now. Now she's using the other eye. Oh never mind. She's falling asleep.