@vladchoc: Hey look, Grandma! You made the cover of "Didn't Make Me Any Cookies Weekly" again. "What good is she to anyone?" it says.
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@AngelaLovesNY: Cardinals are fornicating on my porch again! The birds...not the religious robey dudes.
@shanethevein: I thought I felt a spider crawling on my neck. Now I have to pretend I was breakdancing at this bank.
@Sickayduh: ME: *angrily dragging wife thru the mall* Maybe THIS jewelry store will have one. HER: I don't think you get what a tornado watch is.