@sannewman: Hey maybe the dark matter in the universe is actually all the money that is owed to freelancers.
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@UncleDuke1969: Buying my parents' house. Soon, like so many of the 'ladies' here... I too will be a middle aged man tweeting from his mom's basement.
@robdelaney: I'm so sweaty at all times I think it would be biologically accurate to call me amphibious.
@HonestToddler: They’re saying I put a stuffed animal in the toilet. Untrue. I sent it on a mission to retrieve my toy cars.