@sannewman: Hey maybe the dark matter in the universe is actually all the money that is owed to freelancers.
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@ch000ch: me: siri, clear my evening appointments, i've got a date tonight. siri: "lol yeah ok. beep boop beep. gotcha."
@OhNoSheTwitnt: [Batman at McDonald's] What's your chicken sandwich called? -A McChicken And the rib? -A McRib [pulls out his batwallet] I like your style.
@BostonFanJosh: Q: What's the safest place to be during a North Korean missile strike? A: The place they are aiming at.