@Quartzjixler: Hey middle-aged people who suddenly change your first name--screw you. I'm calling you what I've been calling you for the last 10 years.
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@OtherDanOBrien: *hot girl puts a cherry stem in her mouth* *twists it around with her tongue* *pulls it out* *it spells "I LIKE YOU AS A FRIEND"*
@Rollinintheseat: AT&T sent me a text apologizing for their service outage. I sent them a text thanking them for making it impossible for people to call me.
@TheMichaelRock: Don't be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.