@Quartzjixler: Hey middle-aged people who suddenly change your first name--screw you. I'm calling you what I've been calling you for the last 10 years.
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@Underchilde: “I don’t mean to tell you how to do your job, but...” —People who are found buried in the woods
@NoticablyBacon: If you see a dentist get shot and hes bleeding out, just casually mention how he needs to floss more so he doesnt bleed out like that
@CoatCzech: 1) My wife and I are fighting 2) My phone has an annoying ringtone whenever someone RTs me 3) My phone is in the room where she's sleeping
@TheDailySchmuck: I'm not racist. Some of my best friends are white such as Joey, Phoebe and Rachel. And I can't forget Chandler.