@Quartzjixler: Hey middle-aged people who suddenly change your first name--screw you. I'm calling you what I've been calling you for the last 10 years.
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@_Tempo11: If you leave your dog tied up outside a corner store I'm walking it. No need to ask. Be back soon.
@SortaBad: I've been informed by TSA that my man-bun is not allowed on the plane. They fear a riot from horny women clamoring to sit next to me
@ArfMeasures: HER: Have you sold anything since you became a full-time author? ME [stares blankly around my empty house] almost everything