@Hadzilla: HEY OSAMA I FOUND YOUR 72 VIRGINS THEY ARE ALL ON MY TIMELINE TALKING ABOUT STAR WARS
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@TheLieLamaa: The only person who listens to both sides of an argument, is the next door neighbour ...
@ericsshadow: I've made 2 terrible decisions in my life and they're both outside throwing rocks at the new neighbors.
@zachreinert03: Saw a friend really drunk last night so I took his car keys from him. Felt good, he was so drunk I doubt he remembers who stole his car
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I know you're not supposed to question doctors, but it's weird how my dentist keeps insisting on checking my prostate.