@IamEnidColeslaw: HEY. Our ancestors didn't eat brunch. They ate rocks. And fought dinosaurs. Ever heard of fire? They INVENTED it. Enjoy your Bloody Mary.
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@fanofhell: guy: hey that's a great truck. what kinda engine? me: [rubbing the hood] it's got a truck engine
@joemcshutup: Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair she's not a "clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend" through various voicemails and texts at 3 AM