@IamEnidColeslaw: HEY. Our ancestors didn't eat brunch. They ate rocks. And fought dinosaurs. Ever heard of fire? They INVENTED it. Enjoy your Bloody Mary.
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@PJTLynch: Alfred: About your girlfriend Catwoman... Batman: Yes, she's a thief, but- A: No, she pooped on the rug again. Right next to the litter box!
@riverpig12: Cats get a pass bc they're "Cleaning themselves". Dogs are like, Hey! I can reach this?!?!
@RamblingMachine: My crush said we can't be together because he's seeing another woman so I asked him to rub his eyes and check if I still look different.