@IamEnidColeslaw: HEY. Our ancestors didn't eat brunch. They ate rocks. And fought dinosaurs. Ever heard of fire? They INVENTED it. Enjoy your Bloody Mary.
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@MelvinofYork: As a husband and father, it troubles me that prisoners are still being given time in solitary confinement when I would gladly pay for some.
@jimmytorosian: *phone rings* Wife: "Quick! Pretend I'm not in!" Me (a dad): "Hello. Yes my wife is here. Hey, Not In. It's for you." Wife: "...."
@AaronFullerton: Really, every section of the greeting card aisle could be called "Societal Obligation."
@st00pidfast: I can't make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you're too fat to be loved by anyone else.