@ChaseMit: Hey, people who act like they're about to fight but are really friends, you are FREAKING the rest of us out.
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@Playing_Dad: "POLICE, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP." Show me a badge. *cop gets badge out* I didn't say Simon Says. "Let's go home guys. Sorry, my fault."
@NikiWithIssues: If Snow White can trick 7 men into supporting her, then I'm sure I can find at least one sucker to do that for me.
@martyntanton: My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."