@GarrettCake: HEY PIGS STOP TRYING TO SWALLOW ENTIRE APPLES YOU KEEP DYING
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheToddWilliams: [blind date] HER: I love sports! ME: Uh…me too HER: Have you ever played tennis on grass ME: No, but I once went bowling on crystal meth
@OtherDanOBrien: GUY: Your logic is flawed. According to experts- ME: Excuse me, but I practiced this argument in my head & you're saying the wrong things
@bingowings14: Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? - How to annoy an Avenger when you're on a road trip.
@BitterOldPunk: ATTENTION ALABAMA RESIDENTS: tonight's penumbral lunar eclipse is perfectly natural. The moon is undamaged. Gay people are not stealing it.