@slimmy_shady: Hey Pringles, It's time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn't exactly thin-wristed. Thank you!
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@jake_likes_naps: [gets down on 1 knee with ring box] GF: OMG! Me: Babe? GF: Yes? Me: One ring to rule them all. [I put on the ring and vanish forever]
@DancesWithTamis: The only good thing about grinding your teeth at night is that every morning you can wake up and do a line of teeth off your pillow
@meladoodle: Spoil any movie by telling ur friend “Ice Cube dies” before they watch it. They’ll be waiting for Ice Cube to appear and die the whole time