@sofarrsogud: SHARK ATTACKS AT RECORD HIGH Australia: Lets put nets out to keep bathers safe USA: Everybody get a shark to protect you from other sharks

@The_JRM: If I were in a musical, I'd get fired in a week. Keep a straight face while someone looks in my eyes & sings to me? Nope. Sorry. Impossible.

@jazmasta: Yeah baby, I'm the lead singer in a band. Well, more of a backing singer. More of a Drummer. Triangle player..Roadie. I Saw a band once.

@WheelTod: [Antarctic Courtroom] Polar Bear: “You hated your wife didn't you, Pingu!” Walrus Judge: “Careful Mr Prosecutor. You’re on very thin ice” Polar Bear: “Your honor, permission to approach the bench” Walrus: “No. I...” *Polar Bear takes step forward, plunges through melting ice

@TheMichaelRock: If we have learned anything from the Friday the 13th movies, it's that Jason mainly kills people having sex. Most of you should be good.