@samalmightysam: ''Hey, you like water? yes? well I can turn it into wine.'' -Jesus flirting in a bar
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@envydatropic: Coffee is cheaper than bail Starbucks - You sure about that?
@squirrel74wkgn: You know that you're officially lost when you turn down the car radio and take off your sunglasses.
@AbbieEvansXO: Townspeople: [shaking pitchforks at me] BURN THE WITCH Me: lmao go ahead I can take it Townspeople: you have a dumb face Me: [tearing up] ok I was wrong I can’t take it
@adamlucidi: Christmas is becoming like that creepy friend that shows up to the party too early. The party starts at 7:00, why are you here at 4:30!?!!
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