@richforri: I like Tweets that are so good that when I send them to FB my old friends won't talk to me on the phone for a week.

@P0tterhead_394: "You have a very large package downstairs." I really need to work on how I word things to the men around this office.

@Tierno158: Doctors in Zurich, Switzerland, in a 14-hour operation, successfully separated the conjoined Facebook account of a husband and wife.

@AntozWolf: People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!

@chicnlil1: I basically have 3 hairstyles... Straight. Wavy. Homeless.