@GrantTanaka: Hi 911, I’d like to report a drunk naked guy blasting off truck nuts w/ a shotgun. Time of incident? [takes drink] In about 20 minutes lol
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@DannyEarl: Personally, I think Lance Armstrong should keep his trophies and awards. Last time I rode a bike on drugs I ended up in my neighbors bushes
@TheRolo: "Your lifeguard résumé is just a pic of David Hasselhoff" I feel it says all u need to know about me "He's drunk with a cheeseburger" Yes
@MongooseMayhem: Let's play hide and sex. I mean seek. Damn it. Seek. Unless you're okay with hide and sex. I'll meet you in the hall closet in one minute.
@Eagle_Vision: When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.