@LizHackett: Hi, famous people getting DUIs. You know you can probably afford a driver, right? Just a thought.
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@BoozeWallet: [walking through park with date] Did u know there's more vitamin C in pine needles than in an orange [blood is just pouring from my mouth]
@IamEveryDayPpl: Me: Dear Santa... Santa: *scrolling my TL* I'm going to just stop you right there.