@tylerschmall: Hi, fire department? My cat is in a tree. Television has taught me that this is your problem.
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@ChaseMit: Just saw a guy riding a skateboard, holding a surfboard. Dunno where he's going but I assume there's Mountain Dew there.
@Brianhopecomedy: Apparently saying, "Oh, I just came to watch" makes everyone else uncomfortable in the Pilates class.
@T_N_Crumpets: Dentist: open Me: *opens* Dentist: wider Me: *opens more* Dentist: wider Me: *opens more* Dentist: that's it, now come in and take a seat