@tylerschmall: Hi, fire department? My cat is in a tree. Television has taught me that this is your problem.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@klickitatstreet: I'd only marry someone if they seemed like they'd be pretty easygoing during our divorce.
@QwertyJones3: Sir, I see that you spelled "résumé" with the correct accent marks. Unfortunately you're just too fancy to work here at Popeye's Chicken.
@JohnLyonTweets: Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders. How I learned this rule is not important.