@McNevich: Hi guys! Nick is very handsome and an amazing cook. Are there any nice girls interested inMOM GET OFF MY TWITTER YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING
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@Playing_Dad: Teacher: Does anyone have questions? Me: If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner? T: Holy Shit
@TheDailySchmuck: People have underestimated me my entire life, and they've been wrong on like two of those days.
@UncleDuke1969: She said we needed to talk and... I said, "Yeah, I think we should break up, too." She said, "About where to eat." "Oh," I said, "Pizza?"