@MelvinofYork: Hi, I want to get a tattoo to express my individuality. Do you mind if I look through this book of tattoos you've done for other people?
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@steveolivas: 12yo son forgot his electric toothbrush -- so now he has to MOVE HIS ARM to brush his teeth. His protest was legendary.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 6-year-old walked into the room and said, "Don't worry, Dad. I'm OK." Time to search the house for whatever she destroyed.
@toastymoe: Some people should be forced to carry a plant around with them, to replace the oxygen they waste.
@EmaSlema: I just saw a guy put a hamburger between 2 pancakes so I proposed on the spot and he just said "no" so he's obviously the smartest man alive