@Ristolable: Hi, I'm a college professor. Years ago I wrote a terrible book no one wanted. Anyway you have to buy it for 80 dollars
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@trumpetcake: I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
@GrantTanaka: 1: ‘Twas the night before xmas, & all thru the house Dad was trashed on Grey Goose, mom spilled merlot on her blouse