@Rollinintheseat: "Hi, I'm Rob Thomas for the Organ Donor Association. Give me your heart, make it real or else forget about it."
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@Alex_LaVallee: My 4yr old daughter just charged me $47 for a fake cake she cooked in her pretend oven. I laughed. ... She stared at me until I paid her.
@EricMarten: It must have been really strange for Jesus to be the only white guy in the entire Middle East.
@WheelTod: If asked at a job interview "what's your biggest weakness", test their tolerance for honesty by replying "mortality"