@Mr_Kapowski: Hi, I'm Zack. You might remember me from HR meetings such as, "We Don't Even Need to Watch the Security Tape to Know It Was You"
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@bromanconsul: GIRL NEARBY: I'm breaking up with you, Kevin. You don't talk about Pokemon enough. [I sit up straight and frantically try smoothing my hair]
@abbycohenwl: Me: Why am I suddenly sick? Friend: Probably the change in the Weather [earlier] Weather: *uncharacteristically puts poison in my coffee*
@: Darth Vader: Luke Luke: ya Darth Vader: [heavy breathing] I am your father Luke: um ok Darth Vader: Also I'm vegan Luke: NNNNNOOOOOOOOO
@ForeverHairy: The nice thing about getting a pet lobster is that you can always threaten to eat it when your kid stops taking care of it.