@Kalarlis: hi rappers i have been shaking dat ass all night and i am exhausted can you make a song about sitting and watching tv at a reasonable volume
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@DannyZuker: Just getting romantic with the wife when our slow cooker set off our smoke alarm so yes, I was crock blocked.
@CutCopyPasta: [Pet Store] Clerk: Ma'am what can I help you with today? Me: hi I'd like to buy this line C: You mean snake? M: Yes your largest worm please
@HEYWATCHMETWEET: Sex is a lot like chess. It takes strategy, patience, there's a horse there, the queen is watching.