@AristotlesNZ: Hi. We noticed you Googled "How do I keep IT from seeing my browser history" yesterday at 3:21pm. How'd that work out for you?
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@JB4Realz: [Marriage Counseling] Wife: He's always messing up even the simplest phrases. Me: I THOUGHT we were gonna keep that on the download...
@zachreinert03: A good friend bails you out of jail, a best friend is sitting in the cell right next to you, a worst friend framed both of you for murder.
@LuvPug: It must be pretty inconvenient when you meet someone from a dating site and you're already married to them.