@lecalabara: Hide all your naughty entertainment on VHS. Even if your kids find it, they will not know what to do with it.
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@alfageeek: Wife: We don't have anything planned today… Me: Cool! Wife: …so I was thinking we should… Me: (dammit)
@GrillinChillin9: The brake is on the left, the gas peddle is on the right, & the liquor store is 4 miles ahead. -Me teaching my 3yr old niece how to drive
@briancthayer: *mom puts a gummy vitamin in my mouth while I yawn* Mom, I'm 36. *chews it up, swallows* Adults are supposed to have 2 though.
@Ideal_Victoria: *experiences all five stages of grief while the waiter walks by my table with what I thought was my dinner*