@FrazzleMyGimp: [hiding my girlfriends Christmas present behind my back] remember how you said we were out of milk
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jimmytorosian: Person: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Me: I understand. *I spend the rest of my life biting the hands of everyone who hasn't fed me*
@Sophie2078: Guy: I want a divorce. Me: And who are you? Guy: I’m your husband! We live together for 6 years! Me: Hmm.. No way! Are you sure?
@BadJordon: Dominos just called to let me know my pizza's on the way. They correctly assumed I'd need time to find my pants.