@FrazzleMyGimp: [hiding my girlfriends Christmas present behind my back] remember how you said we were out of milk
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@hellohappy_time: [minutes after eating mac & cheese] u know what would be amazing right now- and honestly it’s been a while since I’ve had it- mac & cheese
@internetluke: [looking at wife as firefighters cut me out of baby swing at playground] It doesn't say its specifically for babies, Karen
@MartaEffing: I paid 4 the lady in front of me @ Starbucks. She hugged me. Deciding when it's the right time 2 tell her I hit her car in the parking lot.