@RomyMichele: #HighSchoolTaughtMe how to solve any math word problem
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@MarfSalvador: [Restaurant] Date: I like guys who plan ahead Me: Excuse me, waiter! *Leans in* Make sure my widow here is well looked after
@Sickayduh: Her: Ok, on 3 lets,say what movie our marriage is most like. 1.. 2.. 3 *simultaneously* Her: THE NOTEBOOK Me: SHAWSHANK REDEMPTIONOTEBOOK
@freypalm: Astronaut: Dave, that’s not necessary in zero-G. Penguin: [flapping wings] Just let me have this.
@Reverend_Scott: Fun Fact: Organic milk only comes from cows that do yoga and moo about being a vegetarian or marathons they were in.