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@mdob11: Him: You're not like other girls
Me: [foghorn sound]
@CheetoBandito77: If I was a superhero, I would be "not right now" man.
@Try2StopME: Bathrooms have Changed from being a Singing Studio, to a Photo Studio.
@BrettDruck: Her: I'm so wet
Him: I'm so hard
Eavesdropping alien: These people are bad at describing themselves.
@bigmacher: I saw Jesus trending and my heart dropped. My first thought was 'damn you 2016!' but then i realized it was just his birthday.
@upsidedowntrash: GF: You cant keep it.
G: Its a BEE.
M: HES my FRIEND!
G: Hand him over.
M: No! [tearing up] I wont let you hurt Albuzz Bumbledore!