@JasonLastname: Historians say teenagers in medieval times would send an average of 180 tiny scrolls by raven per day
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@MelissaJoy33: I'm sorry your husband of 50 yrs is dead. Here is a casserole made with Campbells Soup. ~White people.
@philmann: PILOT: if you look out the window you'll see we're cruising at 35,000 feet [i look out the window] [THE SKY IS FULL OF FEET JESUS CHRIST]
@novicefather: One bad mushroom trip in high school and here I am 15 years later still sexually attracted to Rosie O'Donnell.
@donni: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Do you know why I stopped? *silence* *a saxophone wails in the distance*