@MarijuanaViews: *hits blunt*
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@: ME WATCHING OLYMPIC EVENT: “Holy shit that was amazing!” COMMENTATOR: “Ooh, that was not good at all. He must really be upset with himself.”
@MaryKoCo: If ur late to an appt, just tell them u had another one, but were on time to that one. That way they associate you with punctuality
@thetobbie: When jogging, if i get tired, I insult the people i pass in my head & then imagine having to get away as they chase me...