@Try2StopME: Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they're fighting over the world's last Oreo.
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@BlindChow: [girl chatting up guy at bar] girl: so what do you do? magician: i halve a girlfriend
@Elizasoul80: [alien taking notes] Humans: Reluctant to common sense gun control, yet somehow completely overreactive when approached by a bee.
@thestlouisan: *Plots revenge by getting a job at a fast food restaurant and waiting for nemesis to drive thru and not putting a straw in their bag*
@emmatheist: Unwritten rule: if you find an unconscious security guard you have to drag him to a supply closet and change into his uniform.