@Try2StopME: Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they're fighting over the world's last Oreo.
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@Sickayduh: ME: What's your favorite movie? DATE: Girl Interupt- ME: *drops fork* What is it? DATE: Girl Interu- ME: *burps* Sorry. Go on. DATE: Fargo
@Smethanie: The worst things in life are free, too. Like, gonorrhea, chapped elbows and flyers left on your windshield.
@LauraBenanti: I wore a leather jacket into a vegan restaurant and now I'm hiding in the bathroom.
@aka_fatman: I start undressing you with my eyes. About halfway through, your zipper gets caught on my cornea and I start screaming in agony.