@lazerdoov: Home Depot is having their "ultimate tool event" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler.
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@AtticusFinch79: Me: Babe, can you zip this for me? Him: That's an inflatable sumo suit. Me: I'm flying United today. Him: Don't forget your helmet.
@Fred_Delicious: "son, I've had to throw my golf socks out" "Why dad? cos you got... A HOLE IN ONE? HAHA" "No son. I killed a man. They're covered in blood"