@lazerdoov: Home Depot is having their "ultimate tool event" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler.
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@theshantilly: Him: What are you doing? Me: Tweeting. Him: Gah. Such a colossal waste of time. Me: *stare* Him: *goes back to playing Candy Crush*
@platinum2000: [Confessional Booth] Me: I can't do anything right. Priest: Please get off of my lap.
@Tmoney68: Me: What kind of Dr. treats men who won't talk on the phone? GF: What? M: A Guy-no-call-ogist. GF: I'm killing u in ur sleep tonight.
@Tommytoughstuff: *Picks up extra virgin olive oil. *smirks* "Not for long my friend. Not for long."