@lazerdoov: Home Depot is having their "ultimate tool event" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler.
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@BlazedDonuts: The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
@LorieGZ: I ordered a pair of shoes delivered to my house. I'm too excited to wait at home so I'm camping out at the end of my street. Send snacks?
@phalguy: My girlfriend's ex won't leave her alone. I'd drive there and do something about it if my wife would just give me the keys.
@BuckyIsotope: Started to travel back in time to kill Hitler, but then I decided to be more efficient and went back and shot Adam and Eve instead.