@UNTRESOR: Homeless Yelp Review: Dumpster behind grocery on Calhoun & Fairfax BARELY had any rotting fruit. Owner chased me off with a bat. 0 stars.
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@thenatewolf: God: why don't we text anymore? Me: you know why God: I can't just give everyone a Sega whenever they ask. That's not how it works Me: k
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: You put "summoning demons" as a special skill? ME: That's right. INTERVIEWER: *sweating profusely* When can you start?
@nettie0918: That moment the school calls because 15 was caught drinking at school and it's still the same principal that had to call your parents.