@scottthetwat: Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
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@mjkspeaks: [interview] Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? Me: "OMG I'M NOT A PSYCHIC THE SIGN SAID NO SKILLS REQUIRED!"
@Shingaboop: Coworker: GOOD MORNING! Me: Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee Coworker: But you don't drink coffee Me: Exactly
@perhapssomeday: My mother arrives on Friday, so I have to do three months worth of cleaning in 48 hours. Also, lose 30 pounds and live up to my potential.