@FilthyRichmond: Honey Boo Boo changes name to Sugar Scab.
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@JohnLyonTweets: Interviewer: [looking through file] Are you still disruptive at nap time? Me: Wow, they weren't kidding about that permanent record thing.
@KelseyCook: Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can tweet angrily from the toilet for your country.
@SeanEmeny: I treat women well cause I'm a real man. Also, if I'm nice to them maybe they'll come over and kill this spider for me