@KevinBuffalo: Honey, I gained weight to prevent women from hitting on me. You think I want to look like this? I do this for you.
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@GayDeceiver: Morning meeting about improving communication cancelled because not everyone knew about it. I wish I could make this up.
@tuckerflodman: Dad: I'm so hungry. Me: Hi, so hungry I'm son! *Dad turns head very slowly* [camera cuts to Dad patting down pile of dirt with shovel]
@noog: "911 what's ur emergency" This guy's not breathing "Did u send him ur vibes?" Yes I been sending em "I'm sending some too" Okay he good now
@TheTimmyToes: [JanSport keynote address] (audience grumbling) "where is he?" *CEO emerges from backpack on stage* *crowd goes nuts*