@KevinBuffalo: Honey, I gained weight to prevent women from hitting on me. You think I want to look like this? I do this for you.
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@rickolantern: Just finished the first chapter of this novel. Tons of characters with the same name and really hard to follow. Sir, that's a phone book.
@SonOfCha: Not only are all my tweets stolen, but so are all my thoughts. And everything I say. And my identity. And this baby.