@AndyAsAdjective: Honey, you know the part in The 6th Sense when she drops his wedding ring & you realize he's been dead the whole time? Well I want a divorce
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@rolldiggity: Why crush your kid's imagination by telling them the Tooth Fairy "doesn't exist" when you can just have her leave a suicide note?
@BeTheBoy: The first sign I wasn't going to be a doctor is when I called Anatomy "Skeleton Class." Sign two was failing skeleton class.
@Scimommy: Tried to impress 9 by making up sentences containing 3 of her vocabulary words at once, so now she knows what "nerd" means.
@BonaFideIntent: Me: LARGE FRY! McDonald's Manager: Ma'am, you can't use the drive-thru riding a stick pony. Please leave NOW Me: I WILL CUT YOU! *sirens*