@Underchilde: Honk all you want, but if I don’t eat these donuts at this green light I’ll have to share them at home.
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@SondraDeeMe: [Skype] ME: Finally I see your face and wow. HIM: [naked] Where are you?! ME: Starbucks. Wanna meet a few friends? They like your tweets.
@Qu4rtKn33: Women who draw in their eyebrows are making a serious decision about what mood they're in for the rest of that day.
@simoncholland: [sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*
@trojansauce: GOLDFISH: i swear i'll have your money by tomorrow GOLDFISH MOBSTER: what money? GOLDFISH: who are you? GOLDFISH MOBSTER: where's my mon