@superdadatron: Hope you don't mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
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@ItsAndyRyan: "Everyone has at least one novel inside them" – Baffled airport security rectal examiner at the end of a long, confusing shift
@Sickayduh: [Cruise ship] "HELP! THIS MAN HAD A HEART ATTACK" - I think I can help *frantically covers him in all the life vests* cmon do your stuff