@Loli_Sug: Hospitals don't like it when you unplug things to charge your phone w/ out asking first
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@bakedbrotatoes: -You talkin to my girl? *pops knuckles* -What if I am? *cracks neck* *dislocates shoulder* *breaks collarbone* *fractures skull*
@Laser_Cat: God: Build me an ark. Noah: A what? God *pinching his nose*: A big boat. Noah *looking around the desert*: A what?
@chagger73: Going down on a woman is the best. The way her thighs cover your ears so you can finally get some quiet time...
@QwertyJones3: Me: You bought 6 bottles of carpet cleaning solution? Wife: Yes. Me: We have hard wood floors. Wife: I had a coupon that was expiring today!