@hazelmotes1: Hot Pringles in your area want you to jam your whole fist in their cans.
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@Black__Elvis: My boss told me if I kept showing up late he'd give me a pink slip and I was like, how does he know about my tastes in women's underwear?
@AnOrangeSNES: "Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair!" *A long strand of smelly hair falls out the tower* "Screw this!"
@AmishPornStar1: Me: Ooh, I'd love to go to your party, but I have a dentist appointment. Her: On a Saturday night? Me: I've got really bad teeth.
@trevso_electric: turns out the 'kkk' are not just a group of guys who are very agreeable in their text messages :(