@hazelmotes1: Hot Pringles in your area want you to jam your whole fist in their cans.
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@SarcasticCharm: Please pray for my friends' 4 yr old. I just found out that ten minutes of his life wasn't photographed or documented on Facebook today.
@daemonic3: Some people like instant gratification but I prefer mine brewed slowly from freshly ground gratification beans
@tacos_y_cerveza: If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth the $20
@cjwerleman: Today your brother-in-law will announce his plan to defeat ISIS. Happy Thanksgiving.