@Laser_Cat: Hot, single, raccoons in your area want to rummage through your garbage.
@jjax44: I start, but can rarely complete my paintings and sculptures, for I am a master of the partial arts.
@WilliamAder: My suspicious mole cancelled my appointment with a dermatologist.
@SortaBad: Never look at the guy riding a unicycle, you're giving him what he wants
@AnkCoupleTO: [teen me w/GF in my dad's car]
Me: You wanna do it?
Her: *giggling* Yes
Me: *hears voice whisper no glove, no love* GET OUT OF THE CAR MOM
@Carter_TCB: Jesus Christ. They stole your tweet. Not your first born son.