@zacharyflynn: How about a game where Mario gets a job and gets his coins like the rest of us.
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@murrman5: [typing autopsy report after lunch] weird, seems the killer spilled some coffee and part of a sandwich inside the victim
@iwearaonesie: [dad accidentally steps on the dog] I'm sorry girl, I didn't see you. Are you ok? [dad accidentally steps on me] Why are you on the floor?!
@lemonmartinis: Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells CRAP really loud then people scurry like mad
@GashleyMadison: [at restaurant] -sees baby screaming in high chair -walks over & picks baby up -walks outside & puts baby down "You're free," I whisper.