@VerbsRProudest: How Am I Doing? I'll Tell You How I'm Doing Volumes: 1-8
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@_troyjohnson: *loads dryer* Fitted Sheet: HE'S BURNING US ALIVE! COME, SHIRT! COME, PANTS! HOP IN MY BOSOM AND I WILL FORM A PROTECTIVE BALL OF MOISTURE!
@Carbosly: Me blacking out when I'm drunk is God's way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
@stevevsninjas: Dad: [tied to chair] You'll never make me talk. Bad Guy: *pulls back a velvet curtain revealing a wall with hundreds of thermostats*
@kyry5: [Girl's night out] Girl 1: Omg I haven't had sex in so long, I swear I have cobwebs down there Spider-Man's GF: *nervous laugh* HAHA SAME