@KentWGraham: How come I need a complex, indecipherable password to get on Twitter but only a 4-digit number to remove all my money from an ATM?
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@rikpayne: Tweeting and grocery shopping don't mix. I've been down every aisle and just realized all I have in my cart is a cabbage and someone's baby.
@tarashoe: ME: i'd like to get rid of all this PERSONAL TRAINER: you're just making like one sweeping gesture around your entire body ME: and my head
@ehdannyboy: I took biscuits with me on a date once. She called me a weirdo and said that biscuits was a stupid name for a cat.
@SteveSuckington: A letter to Paul from the Corinthians: Hey sup Paul. This is the Corinthians. This is my new number