@KentWGraham: How come I need a complex, indecipherable password to get on Twitter but only a 4-digit number to remove all my money from an ATM?
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@Bexdora: JUDITH! FETCH MY EVIL PLAN GLASSES! *2 hours later has organised a small festival* Dammit Judith, these are my party planning glasses!
@spacexsam: Forever tricking animals into thinking I'm patting them when really I'm just wiping crumbs off of my hands into their fur
@girl_a_whirl: [Catholic church] *priest hands out "What To Expect At Your Exorcism" Husband: Babe, this isn't counseling Me: You said you'd try anything
@internetluke: [ordering pizza alone] Yeah I'd like a large pepperoni and *changes voice* A medium sausage *changes voice again* Another large pepperoni